Many people have experienced deep hurt from past experiences or even in the church. Unfortunately, because of that pain, some have decided they don’t need people, have developed a great mistrust in others, and due to those experiences have built walls. They have decided that they can simply have a relationship with God on their own without church or community, but Jesus did not intend for us to walk this journey alone He chose twelve men to walk through life with, along with several women who became his faithful followers. He believed in community and gives us many examples regarding the importance of community.
When you’ve been wounded, especially by people who were meant to represent Christ, it cuts deeply. Church hurt feels different. It reaches into places of trust, vulnerability, and faith. For many, betrayal within the church can damage trust for years. I understand that some have endured deep wounds and disappointment, even from those who were supposed to walk beside them spiritually. Instead of finding support, they experienced hurt. Instead of covering, they felt exposed. Instead of compassion, they encountered judgment.
In a message my husband once heard, the speaker shared that just because you go to a restaurant and have a bad experience or a bad meal does not mean you stop going out to eat altogether or refuse to try another restaurant. The same can be true with church. One painful experience does not define every church. One unhealthy community does not represent the heart of God. One person’s failure does not cancel God’s design for fellowship.
What if the very place where you were wounded could also become the place where God chooses to heal you? What if the ache you feel is not only pain but a longing for deeper connection? A desire for safe, godly relationships and people who reflect Christ more faithfully. Sometimes what we interpret as not needing people is actually protection speaking but underneath that wall of protection is a heart that still longs to belong. God designed us for community. Not perfect community, but refining, grace filled, Christ centered community. Healing does not always happen in isolation. Often, it happens in the presence of safe, surrendered people. And maybe, just maybe, your story is not over yet.
An Answered Prayer
When my husband and I first got married, we dreamed of having a close-knit community, Married couples who would walk through life with us, pray with us, laugh and cry with us, and stand by us through the good, the bad, and the ugly. While we are close with some family members, even though many live far away, and had a few friends who came and went over the years, we longed for a consistent group of like-minded married couples. Still, we kept the faith.
My husband prayed faithfully for years; first for a group of God-fearing men who would boldly walk with Christ, pray together, and pour into each other’s lives. God answered that prayer. Shortly after, he began praying for a circle of married couples who loved the Lord, couples who would live life with us in the way Jesus intended: in love, unity, and service.
It took nearly a decade, but God came through.
About three years ago, the Lord placed on our hearts the idea to start a small Bible study for married couples, with our pastor’s permission. We envisioned a safe space where we could grow not only in our knowledge of God, but also in communication, love, understanding, and wisdom for our marriages. A place to be real and vulnerable—where we could share our struggles, sins, joys, sorrows, and victories without fear of judgment or gossip.
From the very beginning, we made a vow as a group that what is discussed within our meetings would stay within the group. This commitment to confidentiality has built deep trust and allowed for authentic transparency.
That group was born one evening in our little basement, and it became more than we ever imagined.
We initially met weekly, diving into studies like The Art of Marriage, Kingdom Marriage, and other Christ-centered resources. Over time, as God began to move and the need for community grew, we were asked to start a second marriage group. In order to support both groups well, we shifted our original group to meet bi-weekly. Each session remains rich with discussion, encouragement, and spiritual growth. We also incorporate many of our pastor’s teachings into our gatherings, often reflecting on recent sermons and applying biblical truth to our lives and marriages.
We’ve come to learn that every couple faces unique struggles, but with God, victory is possible. Couples who’ve been married longer often share their experiences, offering practical wisdom and hope to those who are walking through difficult seasons. What a gift that is to learn from one another in love and humility.
Where Fellowship Becomes Family
We also make time to simply enjoy life together hosting social nights, sharing meals, playing games, and participating in fun group activities. These moments of joy and laughter strengthen our bonds and remind us that Christian community is not only about spiritual growth but also shared joy.
Our children are watching too. They see Godly men loving their wives and serving their families. They see strong women walking in grace, faith, and wisdom while also watching that we are not perfect and make mistakes as well. They witness how beautiful and powerful true community can be. They are growing up surrounded by examples of what it means to follow Christ wholeheartedly and that is one of the greatest blessings of all.
We’ve watched each other’s kids, driven them to activities, cooked meals for one another, celebrated birthdays, mourned losses, and supported each other emotionally, financially, and spiritually. We even hold each other accountable, having the hard conversations in love. This trust and unity have been built over time through prayer, fasting, studying the Word, and walking through life side-by-side.
The women also meet once a month for Bible study. We alternate homes and prayerfully choose topics that help us grow in our walk with God. We pray together, stand in the gap for one another, and support each other in whatever way is needed. It is a beautiful thing to have a circle of women you can share with openly, pray with honestly, cry with freely, and laugh with joyfully. Women who have committed to guarding each other’s hearts, refusing gossip, and choosing loyalty even when it is hard.
The men meet as well. They gather to pray, learn, share scripture, and encourage one another in how to live as godly men. They provide accountability, guidance, and are examples to one another. It is just as important for men to have a safe place where they can be honest, grow, receive correction, and learn what biblical manhood looks like in everyday life. This is the Church. This is what God intended, not just a building, but a body. Not spectators, but family; people walking together toward Christ. It is the book of Acts lived out in ordinary homes and ordinary lives, made extraordinary by the presence of God.
I never imagined loving a group of people this deeply like family. But that’s exactly who they’ve become. And what a gift they are. Of course, it’s not always easy and like every family, there are disagreements and differences to navigate, but it’s well worth the effort. The beauty of genuine community isn’t found in perfection, but in perseverance, grace, and choosing to show up for one another again and again.
So whether your church calls them life groups, cell groups, squads, or Bible studies, I encourage you to get involved. Invest in others. Be open. Be transparent. Keep the faith. Watch how God breaks down walls and forms real, lasting relationships with people you may have otherwise passed by without a second thought.
The Courage to Let People In (With Wisdom and Discernment of Course!)
If you have been hurt, I understand the instinct to step back. But healing often waits on the other side of safe, godly relationships. Ask God to lead you to people who love Him and will love you well. Not perfect people, but faithful people.
Ladies, do not settle for walking alone. Pray for a circle of sisters in Christ who are trustworthy, who will guard your heart, speak truth in love, and stand in the gap for you when you are too weary to stand for yourself. Women who will celebrate your victories without jealousy, correct you with grace, and become a lifeline in seasons when life feels heavy.
You were never meant to carry it all by yourself. God designed us to grow together, sharpen one another, and strengthen one another. When God builds community, it does not just fill seats. He restores hearts.
When God builds it, it’s beautiful.
Community in Scripture
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.” – Hebrews 10:24-25
“Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly, as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.” – Colossians 3:16
“All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people.” – Acts 2:44-4
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” – Galatians 6:2
“So that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.” – 1 Corinthians 12: 25-27
Post updated March 2026.
