By Zaibel Torres
“It really happened.”
Those three words are often the hardest part of healing. Accepting the truth of something you wish had never occurred. Speaking it out loud when every part of you would rather pretend it didn’t happen.
But it did.
And then the question becomes: How do you move forward?
How do you manage everyday life while carrying shame, secrets, and pain? How do you wake up the next morning and act as if everything is normal?
This was my story.
Many assume stories like mine come from homes far from God. But that wasn’t the case. We went to church. My mother was a devoted believer. My father, I believe, loved the Lord at one time—but alcohol slowly became his mistress. What began as something hidden eventually consumed our home. When he drank, he became someone dangerous. When he was sober, he was filled with remorse. It was a cycle that left deep wounds.
Between the ages of four and ten, I was sexually abused by my father. That truth shaped much of my early life. It filled me with bitterness and confusion and distorted how I viewed authority and trust. By my teenage years, I struggled with suicidal thoughts and deep despair.
I often think about the man in the caves in the Gospel of Mark, chapter 5—the man tormented and isolated, living in darkness while others looked on without understanding. In many ways, that was me. When I ran away as a teenager, people who didn’t know my story simply asked, “How could you do this to your parents?”
But my story is not just about pain.
It’s about redemption.
It’s the story of a broken man—my father—who eventually encountered the mercy of God. It’s the story of forgiveness: forgiveness from God and forgiveness from me. What the enemy meant to destroy our family, God redeemed.
Like the man in Gospel of Mark 5 who wanted to leave everything behind and follow Jesus, I once wanted to escape my past completely. But Jesus gave that man a different instruction: “Go home to your own people and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you.”
That is what God has asked me to do.
The places I once ran from, God brought me back to—this time wearing the armor of faith. My childhood church was restored. My relationship with my father was restored. My heart and mind were restored.
Shame no longer silences me.
I share my story because every time it is told, someone else finds the courage to bring their own secrets and pain to God. And seeing even one heart find hope and healing is all the reward I need.
To learn more about Zaibel’s story go to www.zaibeltorres.com
