Let It Go: Because Your Heart Depends on It

Forgiveness..

Just reading the word might make you squirm. It’s one of those concepts that can stir up a storm of emotions—anger, sadness, confusion, and sometimes even guilt. Why is it so hard to do? Why do we hold on to things that are clearly weighing us down?

To be completely honest, I’ve struggled with forgiveness more times than I care to admit. I’ve clung to bitterness like it was a security blanket, but instead of bringing comfort, it just brewed discontentment deep inside me. My husband once read something that hit me like a ton of bricks:

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”

Wow! If that doesn’t hit the nail on the head, I don’t know what does.

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Why Forgiveness Matters—In Every Relationship

In marriage, forgiveness is the oil that keeps things running. Trust me, two sinners under one roof? Offenses will happen. “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” (Ephesians 4:26) is more than a sweet quote, it’s a survival strategy.

For the woman who has walked through divorce, the pain of betrayal, abandonment, or the shattering of what you hoped would last forever makes forgiveness part of the healing. It is not excusing what happened but choosing not to carry it into your future relationships.

With our children, forgiveness shows them grace and teaches humility. They mess up. We mess up. Let’s be quick to say, “I forgive you,” and just as quick to ask for it.

In friendships, the pain of betrayal is real. But Proverbs 17:9 says, “Whoever covers an offense seeks love.” Don’t let one offense cost you a good relationship.

And in the church, forgiveness is vital for unity. Church hurt is real, and God sees the places where you were wounded, misunderstood, or wronged. He is close to the brokenhearted and tender with your pain. Yet even as He tends to those wounds, Christ gently invites us toward restoration, not division, healing, not hardness of heart.

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The Weight of Unforgiveness

Maybe you’ve been betrayed by a close friend. Maybe you’ve experienced abandonment, heartbreak, abuse… things that cut deep. If you’ve been through any of that, first, let me say: I’m so sorry. Your pain is real. Your story matters. And you are not alone.

I’ve been there too. I’ve experienced several situations where forgiveness felt nearly impossible, but there is one in particular that took me so long to truly forgive. That delay began to spill into other areas of my life and relationships. I felt deeply betrayed and hurt, and for years, I held on to bitterness and anger. The person apologized, and I said I forgave them, but if I’m honest, deep inside, I hadn’t. I was still clinging to resentment and that resentment slowly turned into bitterness.

Bitterness doesn’t stay contained. It affected how I viewed myself, how I spoke to others, and how I showed up in relationships. I know how incredibly difficult it is to release someone’s offense. Believe me, I do. But I also know that when you hold on to it, it becomes like a cancer, silent at first but destructive over time. It begins to eat away at your peace, your joy, and your ability to celebrate others. Eventually, it clouds your perspective and steals moments that could have been beautiful. How do I know, because I lived it. I carried bitterness for many years, as though it was hurting the other person, when in reality, it was only imprisoning me. I was not free.

Forgiveness doesn’t erase the pain, but it does release the hold it has on us. It is not easy, but YOUR freedom depends on it!

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Letting Go is Essential (Even When They Don’t Ask for It)

Some people will never apologize. Some may not even acknowledge the pain they caused. But here’s the thing, your healing does not depend on their repentance. It depends on your obedience to God.

Jesus said plainly in Matthew 6:14–15:

“For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”

Ouch! That’s not a suggestion, it’s a command. And it’s for our good.

Letting go of offenses doesn’t excuse the offender; it simply releases them to God and frees our own heart.

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Unforgiveness Can Wreck Your Health (Seriously)

This isn’t just a spiritual issue; it’s a physical one too. Studies have shown that holding onto unforgiveness can literally make you sick. We’re talking:

• Higher risk of heart attack¹²
• Increased anxiety and depression¹²³
• Poor sleep¹³
• Chronic stress¹³
• Elevated blood pressure¹²³

I have seen firsthand how unforgiveness can quietly wreck both mental and physical health, not only in friends and family, but in many of my patients as well. The effects are real. Unforgiveness seeps into our thoughts, our emotions, our spiritual lives, and our bodies.

Friend, what are you holding onto that could be making you sick? Mentally, emotionally, spiritually….even physically?

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But What About Justice?

I hear you. I wrestled with that too. I would pray, “God, it’s not fair. They hurt me. They should pay.” The Lord had to deal with my heart because I wanted justice and real consequences. I don’t like injustice, especially when it affects me, my family, or people I love. My instinct is always to react, defend, and retaliate.

But forgiveness requires daily surrender. It truly is dying to self. I remember our Pastor, Mark, during one of his humorous sermons shouting, “Die!” And as funny as the delivery was, what he was communicating was die to yourself, to your own pride, anger, desire to retaliate, and need to be right.

To die to self is hard. It is not natural for us as human beings to let things go and trust the Lord to handle them. We want to keep score, demand fairness, and make sure people feel what they made us feel. But God invites us into something better—to release it, to trust Him with justice, and to walk in true freedom.

But Romans 12:19 reminds us:

“Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, ‘Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.’”

Letting go doesn’t mean justice won’t come. It just means you’re trusting God to handle it His way. Lord, help us!

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Practical Steps to Forgive (Even When It’s Hard)

1. Be honest with God.
   Tell God how you really feel. He already knows. He can handle your anger, your grief, your confusion.
2. Ask for His help.
   Forgiveness isn’t natural, you can’t do it in your own strength. I know it sounds cliché, but Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”
3. Pray for the person who hurt you.
   What???? This sounds insane!! It’s hard, but it softens your heart. But Jesus said in Matthew 5:44, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Following Jesus is not for the weak!
4. Repeat as needed.
   Forgiveness is rarely a one-and-done deal. It’s a process and it’s okay if you have to bring it to the Lord over and over again.

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Let God Heal the Deep Places

I don’t know what you’ve been through—maybe betrayal, abuse, heartbreak—but I do know this: God sees you. He’s near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18), and He wants to heal you.

So friend, ask yourself as you prepare for the New Year: What needs to start fresh spiritually? What needs to be released so you can walk in the way Jesus taught us, not just because obedience matters, but because He wants you to live free in Him.

Let it go. Let God in, because real freedom begins when we forgive. You were never meant to carry the weight of bitterness. That’s why Jesus came, to set the captives free. And that includes you. Yes, you, with all your pain, questions, issues, and scars.

God isn’t asking you to forget. He’s asking you to trust. Trust that His justice is enough. Trust that His healing is real. I know this so difficult! Let’s trust that His way is better, because freedom is on the other side of forgiveness.

Today, take a quiet moment with the Lord today or this week. Ask Him to show you where forgiveness still feels heavy and invite Him into that place. You don’t have to force it or rush it. Tell God this is hard, but I’m willing, help me Lord. Lay it at His feet, one honest prayer at a time, and trust that He will meet you there.

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Scripture to Reflect On:

• “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” —Ephesians 4:32
• “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” —1 Peter 4:8
• “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18
• “Make allowance for each other’s faults and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.”—Colossians 3:13
• “Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense.”— Proverbs 19:11

Harvard Health Publishing. (n.d.). Forgiveness: Not just good for the soul. Harvard Health. Retrieved July 21, 2025, from https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/not-just-good-for-the-soul

Johns Hopkins Medicine. (n.d.). Forgiveness: Your health depends on it. Johns Hopkins Medicine. Retrieved July 21, 2025, from https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/forgiveness-your-health-depends-on-it

Mayo Clinic Staff. (n.d.). Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved July 21, 2025, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692