Loss — what a difficult thing to endure.
Yet living in this world, it is something we will all experience at one time or another. At some point, we will lose something or someone very dear to our hearts.
Why do we go through so much pain?
Friend, while I cannot give you a complete answer, I do know this: we live in a fallen world marked by sin. Until we enter glory, we will not experience perfect peace or an eternity free from suffering. Many women have experienced profound loss. It may be the loss of a relationship, a marriage, a child, a spouse, a job, or financial security. Today, I want to share one of the deepest losses I have experienced — miscarriage.
We came into our marriage already blessed with two beautiful daughters, and I was filled with excitement at the thought of growing our family. So, when I discovered I was pregnant about a year later, my heart overflowed with joy.
Several weeks later, I miscarried.
A flood of emotions overtook me. I was heartbroken and angry all at once. How could this happen? Was something wrong with me? “Can I no longer have children?” Though the pregnancy was brief, the weight of that loss was heavy on my heart. Well-meaning voices tried to comfort me by saying, “Don’t worry, you can have another.” But the anger that statement stirred inside me is hard to describe. I didn’t want another child; I wanted that child. I was mourning a loss and felt misunderstood. I remember thinking about mothers who carried babies much longer, even a close cousin of mine, who lost a twin late in pregnancy, only to hear someone say, “At least you still have one.” What a terrible thing to say to someone grieving the loss of a child.
If I am completely honest, it took nearly a year for me to begin receiving true healing. That year was marked by anger and bitterness; emotions that often accompany grief. I could not genuinely celebrate with women who announced their pregnancies. Outwardly, I smiled and said the right words but inwardly, my heart ached. I did not wish harm on anyone, but I simply wasn’t happy. I wrestled with God, asking why it seemed that everyone around me conceived with such ease, even those who did not desire children. And why was I so upset, I already had a child? The turmoil within me began spilling into my relationships. My responses were rash, my words lacked kindness, and the pain I carried quietly shaped my interactions. Finally, after nearly a year, I cried out to God for help. I no longer wanted to carry anger, sadness, and bitterness. I needed Him to heal my heart.
My mother was instrumental during that season, faithfully praying for me and encouraging me to surrender my pain to the Lord. Slowly, day by day, I began to release it. A few weeks later, I was invited to a women’s healing retreat. On the second night, the guest speaker led a healing service. As women came forward for prayer, she anointed each of us with oil. Before stepping out of my seat, I remember wondering, “God please heal me, inside and out.” The moment the oil touched my forehead, I felt the powerful presence of the Holy Spirit. Tears streamed down my face as a weight I had carried for so long suddenly lifted. In its place came a lightness I had not felt in months and an overwhelming sense of joy.
God met me there.
About three months later, I became pregnant with our second child, a child my husband and I had prayed for over a long time; my son Justin. Looking back now, I can honestly say I am grateful that God carried me through that miscarriage. Through it, He has allowed me to offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and the comfort of shared understanding to other women walking that same painful road. Something I would not have been able to do previously because I could not relate to that sort of loss.
Perhaps you have not experienced miscarriage.
But maybe your loss looks different.
Maybe you have lost a husband, a child, a marriage, a relationship, or family members who turned their backs on you. Maybe you lost your home, your belongings, a meaningful career, or the future you once envisioned.
Maybe you lost your innocence.
Your self-worth.
Or even yourself, after pouring into people who did not value you.
Today, choose surrender. Lay down the pain, the hurt, the misunderstandings, the harsh words spoken over you along with the anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness that often follow. Place it all at the feet of our beautiful Savior, Jesus. Speak the wounds of your soul to the One who is able to mend what is broken. He is standing with open arms, ready to heal your pain, replace it with joy, and lead you toward purpose; even using your story to help other women find healing.
Scripture for the Healing Heart
“The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.” – 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” – Ecclesiastes 3:1
“For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may stay for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.” – Psalm 30:5
“Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” – Romans 12:15
My prayer is that today you would find the courage to surrender it all to Him, so that you may walk in freedom and in doing so, touch the lives of others everywhere you go.
