Pornography.
It’s a taboo word—or is it anymore?
Our culture talks about it casually now, as if it’s nothing. When I was growing up, it was something mostly associated with men. But today, many women struggle with it too. Technology hasn’t helped; with one click, we can access anything in the world, including what can destroy hearts, marriages, and intimacy.
And the numbers don’t lie.
Today, over 60% of women report viewing pornography within the past month. Studies show 83% of women have been exposed to it at some point, with many seeing it before age 13.¹ ²
What was once hidden is now normalized, and the enemy is using it as a quiet, devastating weapon against both men and women.
And while culture says it’s “normal,” even science says otherwise.
A review published through the National Institutes of Health shows that pornography reshapes neural pathways, activating the brain’s dopamine reward system in the same way addictive behaviors do.³ Another study in JAMA Psychiatry found decreased grey matter and altered function in the brains of heavy pornography users.⁴ This is proof that repeated exposure literally rewires the brain.
In other words:
Porn doesn’t stay on a screen.
It imprints on the mind.
It forms habits.
It creates cravings.
It carves new pathways that make bondage feel normal.
And spiritually, the cost is even greater. When we repeatedly expose ourselves to images that distort God’s design for intimacy, we open windows we were never meant to open. Pornography doesn’t just damage marriages; it damages the soul. It invites comparison, shame, secrecy, lust, and spiritual oppression.
This is why God tells us to guard our hearts (Proverbs 4:23).
Not because He wants to restrict us, but because He wants to protect us.
The Discovery
I was newly married, maybe four years in—the day I discovered my husband’s dark secret. We had two teenager and two toddlers, and I was exhausted, working, and trying to navigate being a wife in that season.
I wasn’t searching for it; I was just trying to find a website where I’d seen something I wanted to buy. Not being very tech-savvy, I fumbled my way through the laptop’s browsing history. As I scrolled, I noticed several website names highlighted in red. At first, I didn’t think much of it, until it hit me what those sites were.
My heart sank.
“Oh my goodness,” I whispered, “he’s watching porn.”
A flood of emotions hit me all at once… anger, hurt, betrayal, mistrust, inadequacy.
How could my Christian husband be caught up in this sin? I closed the laptop and played out the confrontation in my mind over and over again. I cried. I prayed. I yelled at God in frustration.
The Confrontation
That evening, when my husband came home, I told him, “We need to talk.” Truthfully, I wanted to punch him.
He had no idea what I’d found. I opened the laptop and showed him the history. The silence that followed was deafening. Shame washed over his face.
He confessed that this struggle wasn’t new… it had followed him for years, long before he ever knew me. As a young boy, a family member had given him a VCR tape, and from that moment, sin planted a seed that bound him for decades.
We both cried. I told him how diminished, inadequate, and “less-than” I felt.
And everything was great and got better after that, right?
Not even close.
The Silent Battle
Every day, when he came home, I wanted to ask:
Did you watch something today?
Did you think about it?
But every time I was about to confront him again, the Holy Spirit would whisper,
Stop. Don’t ask. Go and pray.
This wrestling match between my emotions and God’s voice went on for almost a year. It was one of the hardest seasons of my life. Our trust was broken, communication strained, intimacy nearly nonexistent. I carried it, never telling a soul, not wanting to damage my husband’s reputation or how others would see him.
The Inner Struggle
As women, when we’ve been hurt, we often feel inadequate, angry, deflated…even ugly.
I struggled deeply with self-esteem, trust, and feeling safe in my marriage. But through all of it… God walked with me.
I poured out my anger, disappointment, and confusion before Him every single day. I asked questions I didn’t even want to say out loud:
Haven’t I been through enough, God? Have you turned your face?
I married a Christian, why am I facing this pain?
And slowly, the Lord helped me see something profound:
This wasn’t about me.
This was about sin; a stronghold introduced to my husband long before I came into the picture.
It didn’t excuse it, but it helped me understand it.
We live in a fallen world, and every one of us wrestles with sin; whether it’s lying, gossip, anger, pride, addiction, or sexual temptation. That’s why we have to guard our hearts, stay in God’s Word, and surround ourselves with godly community.
The Turning Point
About a year later, my husband heard a message at church that completely changed his life.
He realized he had been trying to overcome his addiction in his own strength and failing.
He needed to surrender it fully to God.
My husband began confessing it before the Lord, diving into Scripture, and praying earnestly for freedom. He also felt led to gather a group of men from work and church to share his story; not to glorify the sin, but to testify to the freedom God was giving him. Through his transparency, other men came forward, confessed their own struggles, and began to experience freedom in Christ too.
Through that group, he found accountability, strength, and true brotherhood. Over the years, God has used his transparency to help countless men confront their own battles with sin. It brings tears to eyes when I think about the countless men, he has spoken life into. I witnessed many men’s lives changed due to my husband’s testimony. I am so proud of his boldness and willingness to help others break free from sin.
He learned that healing begins where secrecy ends and tells everyone he knows:
“The devil loses his power over you the moment you confess your sin.”
The Healing and Redemption
I was overwhelmed with gratitude. The Lord heard my prayer, although it took longer than I expected.
God had not only redeemed my husband’s heart…
He was restoring our marriage.
If you’re walking through a difficult season in your marriage, whether it’s communication struggles, emotional distance, constant conflict, or even infidelity….. God sees you. You are not alone. That doesn’t mean you won’t feel discouraged, overwhelmed, or tempted to give up. But in those moments, look up. He is still the answer to every problem we face.
My husband and I mentor many married couples, and we’ve witnessed marriages that were on the brink of divorce with no hope of restoration. Yet we have stood in awe as God healed, restored, and completely transformed what seemed impossible. God is able, not just to mend, but to make new. But He also required something of each couple: a willingness to put in the work, to surrender pride, to communicate honestly, to seek Him first, and to fight for what He joined together.
So, cry out to God. Be honest and vulnerable before Him; Maybe you feel that those miracles or healings happen for others, but not for you. I am here to remind you, He knows you, He sees you, and He understands your circumstance. He may not answer how or when you expect but remain persistent and obedient. In His perfect timing, He will answer, and He is more than capable of breathing life into what feels broken.
My husband and I worked on rebuilding trust, intimacy, and communication—brick by brick—with prayer, hard conversations, and grace as our foundation.
Today, nearly 20 years later, I can say my husband is my confidant, my best friend, my safe place. It didn’t happen overnight, and it doesn’t mean we never disagree, but we now know how to fight for each other, not against each other.
Looking back, I realize how spiritually immature I was. Yet the Holy Spirit met me right where I was and taught me how to pray instead of attack, to intercede instead of accuse.
Because at the end of the day, I’m not free from sin either.
Just because my sins look different doesn’t make me any better.
I may not have battled the same temptation he did, but I’m still a sinner; and Jesus died for both of us.
A Call to Fully Surrender
Many Christians carry unaddressed sins or secret struggles into their marriages, families, and friendships. Ladies, I encourage you to evaluate the sins you find yourself continuously battling or falling back into. I challenge you to also look at what you are battling with your husband, children or other relationships. Sometimes the issue isn’t just the struggle itself, but the way we’re trying to handle it, carrying it in our own strength instead of surrendering it fully to Jesus.
Instead, let’s learn to seek the Holy Spirit for discernment, asking Him to show us how to fight differently. Let’s battle for our families and for our own hearts through prayer, on our knees, trusting God to move in the places we cannot.
The Christian life isn’t easy; it’s a daily surrender. But we serve a Savior who understands our humanity.
Jesus left heaven, took on flesh, experienced temptation, and still chose to die for us… willingly, out of love. He gives us a way out of every temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13).
When we come to Jesus, we don’t have to be perfect….
but we CAN’T stay the same.
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” – Psalm 147:3
From shame to grace, bondage to freedom, broken to Mended with Purpose.
One of my favorite vacations with my husband
- Kohut, T., Fisher, W. A., & Campbell, L. (2018).
Sexual Behaviors and Pornography Use in Adult Women and Men: Findings from a U.S. National Sample.
Archives of Sexual Behavior, 47, 227–242.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30358432/ - National Center on Sexual Exploitation. (2021).
What Do We Know About Pornography Use Among Women?
https://endsexualexploitation.org/articles/what-do-we-know-about-pornography-use-among-women/ - Fight the New Drug. (2022).
How Do Men’s and Women’s Porn Site Searches Differ?
https://fightthenewdrug.org/how-do-men-and-womens-porn-site-searches-differ/ - Hilton, D. L. (2015).
The Neuroscience of Internet Pornography Addiction: A Review and Update.
Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology, 5, 1–15.
https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4600144/ - Kühn, S., & Gallinat, J. (2014).
Brain Structure and Functional Connectivity Associated with Pornography Consumption: The Brain on Porn.
JAMA Psychiatry, 71(7), 827–834.
https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamapsychiatry/fullarticle/1874574 - Neuroscience News. (2020).
Neuroscience of Pornography: Porn’s Effects on the Brain.
https://neurosciencenews.com/neuroscience-pornography-brain-15354/
