Many of us begin imagining our wedding day early in life—dreaming of marrying the perfect man and living happily ever after. Maybe it starts with Disney movies, Hallmark Channel romances, or our favorite romantic comedies. These stories paint a beautiful picture, but they rarely show the full reality of marriage.
The Layers of Marriage
Marriage is layered—it can be beautiful, challenging, even messy, and then beautiful again. When you make a covenant with God and your spouse, it’s a sacred, unbreakable vow to stand beside one another through the tests of life (excluding abuse and extenuating circumstances).
It’s the joining of two imperfect people, each with their own upbringing, wounds, and baggage, becoming one. And that process isn’t always easy.
Healing Before the “I Do”
One of the biggest lessons I’ve learned is that many people enter marriage hoping it will heal or fix their past. But marriage doesn’t erase our brokenness—it magnifies it.
This is why I believe pre-marital counseling, especially with a pastor or Christian therapist, can be incredibly beneficial. It gives couples the chance to start peeling back layers and addressing areas that need healing before entering into such a serious commitment.
The Power of Communication
Communication is another major challenge in many marriages. We all grow up witnessing different communication styles—some healthy, some not. The Bible offers us timeless wisdom on how to speak to and treat one another:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 reminds us that “Love is patient, love is kind… It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
Proverbs 15:1 says, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Ephesians 4:29 teaches, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up…that it may give grace to those who hear.”
James 1:19 encourages us to be “quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”
These verses remind us that communication is more than just words—it’s about love, grace, and listening well. Believe me, we did not always get it right—communicating with each other and with our children—but every situation we’ve gone through has been a learning moment and the bible is a great guide.
19 Years and Counting
After nearly 19 years of marriage, I wish I could tell you we have it all figured out—that everything runs smoothly and we always know what we’re doing. But the truth is, it’s not perfect. We’re human. We disagree, we get frustrated, we act selfishly at times. And on top of that, there’s a very real spiritual battle—the enemy is always looking for ways to divide and destroy what God has brought together.
I can say it’s been both incredibly tough and deeply beautiful. We’ve faced challenges—blending a family, miscarriage, chronic illnesses in our children, financial struggles—but we’ve also shared mountaintop moments: watching our daughters grow into women who love the Lord, teaching our children to follow Jesus, cheering our sons on in sports, enjoying vacations, becoming grandparents, and building precious memories.
Through it all, the Lord has used my husband to reflect areas in me that need growth—my communication, impulsivity, and even my bluntness (as he says, “Bren, you have no filter!”). While that feedback can sting, it often leads to growth through the Holy Spirit’s guidance. And I’ve helped him in many ways, too.
This is what God intended—Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.”
Protecting and Strengthening What Matters Most
A thriving marriage requires several key ingredients. First and foremost, we must keep God at the center of our relationship. From there, we should cover our marriage in prayer, stay connected to a community of godly couples, and remain vigilant in protecting the sacredness of our covenant—especially the marriage bed. Additionally, honesty, open communication, transparency, and a healthy sex life are essential in building a strong and lasting partnership.
Letting Go of Expectations
One of the biggest takeaways for me is this: as women, we sometimes carry unrealistic expectations of what marriage should look like. If I could offer any advice to single or engaged women, it would be to release those idealized images we often create in our minds and place on our future spouses. These expectations can cloud our view and rob us of the real, imperfect, but beautiful journey that marriage truly is.
Marriage is a reflection of Jesus and the Church. As His bride, we are called to reflect His love through our relationship—with grace, humility, and a willingness to grow.
